How to burn the book and stomp out

Rather than return the book, you may feel more strongly about preventing this kind of trash from ever finding its way into other people’s hands. In such an event, it may be necessary to eliminate your copy altogether. This attitude is known as “civic responsibility” and you’ll be glad to know that Jill and Bill (essay #12) have already completed these steps and appear to be the happier for it.

The best way to destroy the book is to burn and then stomp out both the book and its associated collateral materials. You may even want to toss in the author’s bio and photo for good measure. But remember, although you may be unduly excited about the opportunity to contribute to the future of the speech recognition industry by obliterating this book …

SAFETY FIRST!

So follow these step-by-step instructions for an environmentally-friendly and upbeat old fashioned book burning that will remain safe and yet will gratify any vindictive needs or especially wanton passions that you may be feeling.

1) Designate a safe and suitable clearing, or place the book carefully inside a barbecue or hibachi.

3) Once the book is well-engulfed, wait for it to burn out, remove, place on dry ground, and stomp vigorously. You may wish to include profanities and vulgar epithets in tribute to the naturalness of the speech medium while you stomp.

 

2) Soak with lighter fluid, or use more natural environmentally-friendly methods of ignition.

 

4) Scatter the remaining cinders across your garden—the book contains lots of natural fertilizer from many sources. Water liberally.

 

.

(Shown below is an image of a preferable burn)

 

.

5) You might want to consider raising a lovely crop of beanies, as shown.

.